This essay was a rollercoaster. I won’t lie, there were some serious hardships along the way that tested my patience and sanity. I would have never thought that exploring the depths of empathy in a virtual world could be so challenging.
There were a lot of components and steps to this essay, some of which I did not enjoy. Something as simple as whittling down how broad your essay topic actually was, was the one thing that I found the most difficult. The topic I had in mind was such that my brain was being unable to generate a title for my essay. Once I figured it out, I was overjoyed, and although it seems like an exaggeration, it was the one thing that was blocking me from progressing any further since I wouldnt be sure what I was writing about until my topic was finalised. Researching took most of my time. Hours of looking at the same websites, academic papers, putting the same keywords in the search bar hoping something useful pops up, this essay was testing me beyond any limits, but I pressed on. The drive to finish an essay this long for the first time became my core focus point and source of motivation.
I scrolled through articles, papers, e-books, anything to give me glimmer of hope that my topic, empathy in VR: How does the Role of Presence Create Understanding and Compassion, was good enough to have enough content available about it. Immersing myself in articles, studies, and expert opinions, I wanted to understand the concept of empathy in VR from various perspectives, exploring its potential benefits, drawbacks, etc. The research phase was overwhelming as I was trying to choose the most relevant and credible sources to use in my essay from an unmeasurable amount of resources, I didnt even think my topic could have so many. Once I had all the resources I needed, I drafted several rough versions of the essay. I had many moments of doubt, which was why I had numerous drafts, I was questioning my writing, my arguments and even debated if I shouldve been having water instead of coffee, which was insanity. I have always had a problem with my inner critic, the need to be perfect, its never helpful and yet I cant get rid of that tiny voice in the back of my head pointing something or the other out that is wrong or could be done better in some other way.
I had only heard of writers block, and for the first time while writing this essay, I actually experienced it. I was struggling to find the right words or phrases to convey my ideas effectively. It felt like I was only using quotes said by other people and had no ideas of my own. Trying to write something you thought about compared to writing a well worded quote said by a famous psychologist can be very demotivating, let me tell you that much. It took many hours staring continously at the same Word page screen for something to click and mentally overcome this so-called writers block. I say so-called but it actually made my life miserable. The moment of breakthrough that suddenly hits after you have been sitting in the corner of the room like a ball thinking that you finally have to give in to the essay-writing-gods and use chatGPT, is a thrilling experience. When that happened I remember my finger flew over the keyboard. Once I had a reference point, I knew I could write about it alot, all it took was to just think of it and boderline depression from wondering if I’ll be able to finish and pass the year.
The feeling of accomplishment felt after completing the essay was unparalleled. The hours of research, contemplation and hardwork, the numerous cups of coffee, all combined together to help me finish a task I had never tackled before. I had chosen a topic, delved deep into its specifics and had emerged on the other side with a deeper understanding of it and greater confidence. I understood that it was just a matter of finding the right topic and that everything else just falls into place once you have that, its simple from there onwards, not taking into account the low moments of despair ofcourse. It was a fulfilling task completed to the best of my abilities. I definitely feel more confident in writing essays now, knowing the steps and procedures that need to be taken in order to accomplish it, including a trip to Lidl for huge batches of coffee and can say with surity that my ‘I-cant-write-essays-more-than-500-words’ disease has officially vanished.